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July 10, 2006
Yo mama so fat...
...she broke the bed? Yep, unfortunately for my future children, their friends will be able to say that truthfully. Except the fat part. But I did break my bed.
See, I love my bed. LOVE IT. It's just my size, the mattress is about right for my musculoskeletal sensibilities, I've got a normal pillow atop two faithful throw pillows between which a slight dip is formed in the normal pillow where my head happily resides, bright white sheets and a bright white pintucked decka cover (any clues what those are called in english?). Furthermore, earlier this spring I took a trip to Ikea in Bolingbrook, IL, with my sweet friend Corrin and I invested in something I'd been longing for for quite some time: a big, huge decka. And this is no ordinary decka. This is the heaviest weight Ikea sells. Not only that, but I bought a queen-size so as to be fully, unequivocably smothered in downy goodness. This wonderfully dense cloud, dressed in its bleach-white cover, has the effect of making me feel rather princessy most nights of the week as I climb into it. My bed is my safe haven, my comfort zone for baring my soul before God, the place where I find delight and rest for every piece of me. But tonight, it forsook me. Tonight, I have been cast out.
Actually, it was a couple nights ago when I was sitting and reading in my sweet, merciful bed that I felt a jerk. I thought maybe the way I'd jumped into my bed (yes, I do sometimes literally jump into my bed from sheer glee at the prospect of being in it) had forced it against the window or dresser such that it was now readjusting. However, the last couple of nights I have not slept as well. Usually I wake up in less pain than whatever I went to bed with (another reason to love my bed - it covers a multitude of backaches), but not so the last few days. That said, tonight it was just too much. I lay in my bed for about an hour before deciding to get up and see if alcohol could set me right for sleeping. I got up and for the first time saw the noticeable dip in the upper right hand corner of the bed, where the metal piece connecting the side support board to the headboard had broken off. Not slipped, mind, but actually broken off, such that I'd been sleeping on an incline for the last few nights. Not wanting to break the bed or anything stored under it any further, I slid the mattress off to see if it was at all immediately fixable, which it's not. I then wrestled the top mattress onto the floor between the two beds in my room. I'm trying to convince myself that because I'm sort of sleeping on the floor it's fun, like a sleepover, only I'm the only one there. But all that furnituration, including moving the two beds each ever so slightly here and there to put the mattress down, has woken me up. So here I sit on the living room floor, my trusty Czechvar beer at my side. (At least I eventually made it to the beer - thanks, Tim.) My friend Tripp's sermon today was about when Jacob wrestled the night away with God. So far it seems as though it only takes an inanimate, yet seemingly vengeful, mattress to best me. But I think I just heard the bell go off and it's time for round two against that angry beast. It's my time now. I will prevail.
| By Heather | 12:39 AM
Comments
Heather, what could be more inspirational than the Rocky theme song? I know nothing...so I offer you the rocky song and say...your opponent is in fact literally on the ground...kick him while he's down!
"It's the eye of the tiger; it's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger..."
Heidi
Posted by: Heidi Vincent at July 10, 2006 11:54 AM
Question: Why do you have two beds in your room to begin with? And why didn't you just sleep on the other bed?
Posted by: Thomas at July 10, 2006 02:34 PM
The other bed belongs to Kristy, who's gone for the summer, so her bed is currently being used for me to sort and pack my crap as I prepare to move. And it doesn't have sheets. And I like MY bed:)
Posted by: Heather at July 10, 2006 02:38 PM
Yeah... it's about what I figured... stuborn :) well, you could move all the stuff out from under your bed, remove the broken bed frame ( I assume that's what broke) and place the box spring directly onto the floor and then the mattress on top of that. So, you'd have a bed but not as high as before... so you could get as fat as you wanted and still not break the bed ... that is until you broke the boxspring.... which of course then would alow telling of yo mama so fat jokes... well, then they really wouldn't be jokes, they'd be true... and that would just be sad...
Posted by: Thomas at July 10, 2006 02:51 PM
Yesh! What a great delight and surprise to have you post on my blog! Oh wonderful! I kept you in my inbox. It may be a week or so, but I want to catch up at some point. (I have an email from last semester to respond to still...so). Anyways, did Jacob have a beer during his wrestling bout? ;-)
Posted by: tyson at July 12, 2006 11:16 PM
Tyson! Yeehaw! I still have a picture of us arm wrestling on the Caudle Room floor that I treasure. If I had a scanner I would post it here. Oh well... and yes, I'm pretty sure that Jacob and the man took a drink break part way through the match - you can only imagine how thirsty they'd be, wrestling outside in the Middle East.
Posted by: Heather at July 13, 2006 12:00 AM
I love the allusion to Jacob wrestling with God.... this one just being a whiter-fluffier-downier version. LoL!
Posted by: eLr at July 13, 2006 11:14 AM
Sorry about your bed! I would feel very down cast if mine crashed into the floor.
I found "Bridge to Terabithia" in my car! Isaac ended up spoiling the end of the book for me (and taking glee in doing so). Knowing the ending however, did not prevent me from crying cup fulls.
I prayed for you as I know you've started your new job.
Posted by: Laura at July 13, 2006 11:18 PM
I'm anxiously waiting for another post...I love reading your stories!
Former roommie,
Corrin
Posted by: corrin at July 14, 2006 12:53 PM